We all want our children to be successful, but what does success truly mean? Is it being happy, famous, wealthy, healthy, or loved? The truth is, that success is subjective, and it can mean different things to different people. However, without a clear set of criteria or a reliable yardstick, success becomes an elusive target. Furthermore, any criteria for success are inherently linked to our life's purpose.
To illustrate this, envision a person sprinting in a race. Does their speed matter if they're heading in the wrong direction? Does their direction matter if their ultimate goal (finish point) is misaligned? The answer to both questions is a resolute 'NO.' Hence, before we equip our children for the race called life, it's imperative that we first calibrate their compass. This, indeed, stands as one of the primary objectives of parenting.
It is also important to teach our children that failure, which is often seen as not being successful, is a crucial part of the learning process. It teaches us valuable lessons, and it should not be shunned or feared. Unfortunately, having an incorrect understanding of success and failure can lead to depression, suicide, breakups, beauty sickness, or gender identity struggles due to societal pressure. Therefore, it is crucial to rethink our notions of success and failure and re-identify our role models and heroes in the light of this renewed and correct conception.
It's no secret that the Western perspective highly values a lengthy, healthy life filled with pleasures and free from setbacks. Those who haven't been fortunate in achieving these aspects, which can be seen as success parameters in a worldly context, often find themselves labeled as failures, not only by society but also by their own self-perception. Many therefore resort to illegal and immoral means to achieve their notion of success. The stories of Lance Armstrong, Elizabeth Holmes, and the Volkswagen emissions scandal underscore the dangerous consequences of a misguided notion of success. Lance Armstrong↗, once celebrated for his seven consecutive Tour de France wins, later faced disgrace when it was revealed that his achievements were tainted by performance-enhancing drugs. In his relentless pursuit of victory, he succumbed to illegal and unethical means, damaging his reputation irreparably. Elizabeth Holmes↗, initially lauded as the youngest self-made female billionaire in the US, built her company Theranos on false pretenses. Her thirst for success led her to engage in fraudulent practices, ultimately resulting in an 11-year prison sentence. The pursuit of wealth and fame blinded her to the ethical boundaries that should guide business endeavors. Similarly, the Volkswagen emissions scandal↗ highlights the corporate world's obsession with success metrics. The company installed cheat devices in 11 million cars to meet emissions standards artificially, costing them billions of dollars in fines. The quest for financial success drove Volkswagen to compromise ethics and legality.
These examples serve as stark reminders that a warped understanding of success can lead individuals and corporations to engage in illegal and immoral activities, often with severe consequences. The broader debate on success and failure should emphasize the importance of aligning one's goals with ethical values, ensuring that success is not pursued at the expense of integrity and the greater good. However, mere motivational tactics, for such individuals, are insufficient. It is imperative that we address the fundamental framework of life's equation. I use the term 'equation' deliberately here, as when considering the prevalent Western secular outlook, which solely accounts for life in this world (disregarding the afterlife), the right-hand side of the equation depicted below essentially equals zero:
Lifespan + Pleasures - Losses = 0
In such a framework, success is narrowly defined and therefore it gives undue importance and a dangerously high focus to life in this world, and any real or perceived sense of deprivation will definitely take a heavy toll on mental health. Perhaps, a large portion of suicides, depression, and anxiety can be explained by this equation. So, the concept of success with a Western Worldview might be of value for the `successful' few who see themselves and are seen by others as entitled, but it cannot uplift society as a whole because worth has been invariably attached to physical attributes like beauty and belongings. This is the disease of secular values.
The pursuit of a meaningful, fulfilled life requires a broader perspective beyond these temporal measures. The divine wisdom of Allah (swt) has given us such a perspective. The Islamic view is based on the understanding that whatever positive happens to us is a blessing from Allah (swt) for which we are thankful and grateful, and whatever negative happens, regardless of who is responsible, is a test from Allah (swt) and the way we deal with that test will determine our true success, our Akhirah. Moreover, any kind of hopelessness or despair is strongly prohibited in Islam. Not only that, but we are also taught what real failure or loss (khusr) is. It is not connected to physical losses but to our actions and decisions, if they go against the teachings of Islam. The focus is on the inputs, not the outcomes, which we understand to be in Allah's hands. Be it our beauty, health, or provisions (rizq, wealth), we know this is the domain of Allah (swt), and there is no point in breaking our heads over these. So, some outcomes can be seen as a measure of progress but not as the basis of judgment, as we understand that it's possible that someone is giving their best, but Allah (swt) is testing that person. Therefore, as Muslims, we have the eternal hereafter (Akhirah) on the right-hand side of the equation as well. This means any hardship that wasn't the result of our agency reminds us of the reward we will get in the hereafter if we face it with perseverance (sabr).
Lifespan + Blessings + Tests = Akhirah (Jannah or Jahannum)
So, what separates us from either eternal bliss or eternal torment are our choices, not anything else we might be very proud of, like lineage, beauty, belongings, etc. With this clarity, what should be seen as success? Those attributes and blessings (including rizq) we had absolutely no control over, or those choices that will determine our eternal fate? It is clearly the latter. Hence, we Muslims truly believe in making the most of the cards we are dealt while chasing success. The certain belief in the Akhirah is of critical importance in enabling us to do so. This translates into individuals, families, and a society who strive to succeed but do not belittle or ridicule those who are incapable of or struggle to achieve results. It creates individuals, families, and a society who do strive for worldly success but are not pressured to achieve it at the expense of the well-being of themselves or others.
Allah (swt) orders us in the Qur'an:
وَلْتَكُن مِّنكُمْ أُمَّةٌۭ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى ٱلْخَيْرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ
"Let there be a group among you who call others to goodness, encourage what is good, and forbid what is evil -- it is they who will be successful." (TMQ Surah Ale-Imran:104)
Mufliḥūn (مفلحون) comes from falāḥ (فلاح) which means success and attaining one's goal and purpose. According to this Ayah, the truly successful are those who feel for society and not those who are indifferent to its problems and pains.
In contrast to what most people understand from success, the Quran teaches us that true success is in achieving the purpose that God has set down for us which is worshipping Him. He (swt) says in the Qur'an:
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ
"And I have not created the jinn and mankind except to worship (serve) Me." (TMQ Surah Ad-Dhariyat:56)
Therefore, to achieve true success, we need to establish an intellectual foundation of Aqeedah, recognize our enemies (Shaytan, Hizb-ush-Shaytan, Nafs, and distractions of this Dunya), and continually hold our intentions, desires and actions accountable. We must surround ourselves with the correct people, connect with the Qur'an at all levels (reading, understanding, practicing and implementing), and adopt a mission in life to keep our nafs busy before it keeps us busy. Most importantly, we need to embody the critical creedal concepts of Tawakkul, Ajal and Rizq. Our role models should be from the Prophets (as) and the Sahaba (ra).
In simple words, the role of Muslims can be likened to a student facing a crucial exam. Remarkably, the perfect solution to this exam has been graciously handed to them; all they need to do is copy it and be successful. Yet, regrettably, a significant number, driven by ignorance or arrogance, insist on crafting their own answers, often disregarding or outright rejecting the flawless solution offered by the examiner, who in this case is none but Allah (swt) and the solution has been provided in form of Qur'an and Sunnah.
In conclusion, as parents, we need to understand the importance of correctly defining success and failure and guide our children toward correctly defining their version of success based on Islamic principles. We must establish a big-picture objective with Akhirah in mind, adopt critical creedal concepts while embodying them as role models, and take practical steps toward achieving our goals. It is time to redefine success and failure and empower our children to strive for the ultimate success in this world and the next.
If any of this is live in your own home right now, the first conversation is free.
Book a free consultation